Art of the Deal

New town, new life.

With only the clothes on my back, a few dog tags, and a gun I wandered into the town of Abundance. I’m going to be honest… it sucks here. The whole town smells like onions. The people are simple and I mean that in the worst way. They’re all slack jawed ranchers. I’m actually kind of surprised they can grow anything in this dustbowl. The ground is bone dry.

Making my way to the local watering hole, I sat down and ordered a drink. I was looking for something stiff to help me relax. Unfortunately, all they had was magenta colored cactus juice. Perfect.

Rocking back and forth on a barstool, I overheard some local news. Apparently water is becoming real scarce around here and the farmers are having trouble finding shipments. Being an enterprising man, I jumped off my stool and announced to the whole bar that I had a water source and that I could be persuaded to bottle some, for the right price. The idiots actually believed me!

Before I knew it, I had a betting war on my hands! One farmer promised 10 tags/gallon. Another offered 1000 tags to fill up his two tanks. A third offered me my weight in onions and tacultia meat (whatever that is). Desperate customers are my favorite kind. Naturally, I told them I’d need an advance. Each of them was happy to fork over 500 tags in the form of oddly designed patches and coins.

So now all I have to do is find a few thousand gallons of water in a barren desert wasteland that I’m totally unfamiliar with and then bring it back to Abundance, probably all by myself. I may have bitten off a bit more than I can chew.

The good news is, I’ve already been paid.

-Joe Junkman

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