Desert Law: School Bus Mounted Howitzer

desert-law_w1010.pngMy Steam library is filled with post-apocalyptic games. Generally, I’ll pick up (or at least wishlist) any apocalyptic game I come across. Desert Law, a real time strategy game, has been in my library for about two years. I picked it up on sale, played it for 10 minutes, and then uninstalled it. However, enough time has passed that I thought the game deserved another chance. Unfortunately, the game aged about as well as a bloated corpse in the wasteland sun.

Desert Law’s narrative makes Wasteland Angel look complex by comparison. After the apocalypse, tribes of road warriors kill each other over booze and car parts. What kind of apocalypse is this? We don’t really know. The entire world is a desert and some places are populated by angry sentient zombies napping beneath the sand.
Here’s the story: Generic wastelander Brad wants to woo a girl for mating season, but rival tribes of gangsters and pre-apocalypse military keep mucking up his plans. Brad convinces his tribe to kill everyone in their way until Jane (the love interest) notices him. Continue reading

Smegma Crazies, Gayboys, and The Golden Youth

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On the surface, The Road Warrior is a fine action movie that defined the post-apocalyptic genre and put everyone involved on the map. If we put aside the action and go a little deeper, we start to see some interesting clues about the Humungus tribe. As we already saw with Lord Humungus and especially Fury Road, George Miller loves adding cryptic details into his films. Perhaps the most discussed and yet mysterious of these details revolves around the Humungus tribe’s not-so-subtle homoeroticism.

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Cult Classics: Warriors of the Wasteland

Following the success of Mad Max 2 was a handful of post-apocalyptic B-movies. Among those was The New Barbarians (aka Warriors of the Wasteland), a dirt-cheap Italian knock off. Despite a slow start, this movie actually isn’t terrible, it just has low production values. However, I noticed a lot of similarities between this film and She Wolves of the Wasteland. Both have alternate titles. Both have promising, but underdeveloped plots and concepts. Both suffer from poor editing and a lack of closure. For that reason, let’s use a similar four points system as She Wolves, with one exception.

  1. The Plot
  2. Interesting concepts
  3. Editing
  4. Characters

The Plot: The year is 2019. It has been 9 years since the nuclear holocaust of 2010 (thanks, Obama). The film opens on a small caravan who has just discovered “The Signal,” a mythological radio frequency supposedly originating from the last civilization on Earth. Unfortunately, before the tribe can decipher the coordinates, they’re attacked by a rival tribe of motorized marauders called “The Templars” whose only goal is to destroy all human life…because reasons.

Carnage

The Templars crush their enemies with a mixture of explosives and laser guns. That night, timid humans wrapped up in white rags appear to loot the burned out caravan. We never learn who these scavengers are, but they have a striking resemblance to the Buzzards from Mad Max: Fury Road.  Before they can divvy up the loot, a muscle car with a glowing green roof roars out of the blackness. Enter our hero, Scorpion. Continue reading

Cult Classics: She Wolves of the Wasteland

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Following the success of Mad Max 2 was a handful of post-apocalyptic B-movies. Among those was She Wolves of the Wasteland (aka Phoenix the Warrior), a movie that killed the careers of nearly everyone in it. From its horrific editing and pacing to the terrible acting, She Wolves maintains an unsteady balance between boring and hilarious. For this discussion, we’re going to break the movie down into 4 parts.

  1. The Plot
  2. Interesting concepts
  3. The Editing
  4. Closure

 The Plot: She Wolves has a great premise, but suffers from an awful script, awful acting, and awful execution. The opening narration describes “bacteriological wars” (though there’s a big Geiger counter scene, so maybe a nuclear war too) that killed all the men on Earth and left only a handful of women. Of the original survivors, one called Reverend Mother uses “dark powers” to breed a new race of super women. When I heard this, I immediately thought of a cross between The Master from Fallout and Immortan Joe from Fury Road. Unfortunately, though there are some similarities throughout, the plot goes off in an entirely different direction. Continue reading